will eff for scone

i tried to post a rant today. i really did. but i couldn't organize my thoughts. i'm too scattered and cranky and warm. the weather is crappy. and i'm thristy. i even tried to write a rant about not being able to write a rant. 2xs actually. and this shitty post was all i could come up with. boo. stupid listless afternoon. i think the AC just clicked on. so maybe it won't be so stuffy in here. this is boring. i apologize for making you read this. if you want, send me your address and i'll mail you something nice. you know to make it up to you for reading this. maybe i'd be happier if i had an adorable tiny puppy to play with. stupid bf and his non-puppy buying ways. is it so much to ask that i have an adorable cuddly little friend to play with? i don't think so. but here i am, puppy-less and bored. also, i haven't yet won that 40million. i bet that would keep me entertained for bit. at least a few days i'd imagine. dude, the AC's too cold. stupid skirt. makin' me all cold and shit. effing weather was beautiful when i got dressed this morning. and as soon as we got in the stupid car to drive to stupid effing work, it clouded over and now it's probably gonna rain. gd everything. gd the weather, and the gd this stupid mother effing movie i'm watching to help ease the time. brothers grimm sucks some serious ass. huh. a bird just tried to get in my office window. he seemed to be eyeing up my laptop. i bet he was thinking he could jimmy open the window and make off with my lappy. you know, to pawn for hookers 'n blow. crows do that you know. they're suckers for strange ass and the white powder. effing crows. and especially eff the white winged crows.

charming is not a new synonym for crap

so i would like to write a giant FUCK YOU to all the slum lords out there who have recently wasted my time. over the past few weeks, me and my boyf have gone to look at countless houses and apartments in the mt. pleasant area. and guess what, they have all been pieces of shit. do landlords think that people are so desperate to live in that area that they're willing put up with holes in the wall, disgusting, old moldy carpet and rat feces? cause i'm not. the best ones we've seen had bedrooms the size of closets. and not big walk-in type dealies either - i'm talking about small, often window-less dungeon-y closets. and i'm not that picky. i'm not above living in places just past the squalor line. really, my friends who were unfortunate to come visit me can attest to that. i've lived in old, in dank, in small, in flea infested and also in moldy, mushroom growing carpeted crapholes. one apartment i affectionately called, 'the slanty shanty', cause the floor sloped. in a big way. there was also a special needs guy above me that when i first moved in, thought he was in horrible pain. then i discovered he just like masturbating. a lot. yeah. so really, i have lived the gambit. all i'm asking for now is a decent - note i didn't use the word spectacular or amazing or awesome or canflabulistic - main floor that is in no way infested with anything. this includes, fleas, rats, dog excrement, cat pea, homeless jerks and used needles. i'd even take an apartment. and yes, same rules apply - no crap. i pity the next assface landlord that wastes my time. oh wait. no i don't. cause they deserve any onslaught i dole out on account of being lying bastard, effing sons of bitches.

Everybody farts

I know I know. I haven’t written in a while. I’ve neglected my blog. It wasn’t personal. I guess I just needed a break. Maybe I didn’t have anything important to say. Atho, that never stopped me in the past….

Anyway, at work we have a farter. Someone who passes gas. In the office. Cause he’s proud of ‘em and wants everyone to waft in their glory? I don’t know. But it’s gross. I mean, you’re basically smelling the inside of his colon. Particles of digested food are clinging to your nostril hairs. His ass is entering your body. Yeah, it’s gross to think about. Anyway, I drafted up an email and sent it out. Never thought I’d have to, but here we are.

Subject: Everybody farts

It’s true. Everyone’s body digests things (food, tires, etc.) and produces gas. Sometimes this gas needs to be let out. As adults, I assume we all have the ability to hold them in – or at least hold them off while we exit the room. Every now and again, everyone slips. However, this has been happening more often lately. The macT room is small and these slips affect everyone. So please be considerate of your office-mates. Go for a walk, clench or think about baseball (oh wait – that’s for something else….)

Oh, and no need to own up or apologize, we’ll all just let the issue waft away.

kylee

i love my co-workers

quote by my nifty lady co-worker "'cause its not gonna work until justin rolls his trunk in."

awesome.

dink punches for all. dink punches for some?

in the bathroom at work are 3 stalls. now each stalls presents a whole host of pros and cons. this makes stall selection quite crucial - also, a little thinking on you r feet is required. the first stall has a lock, that works, is always stocked with toilet paper. however, this is a widely used stall as it is the only one with all of the aforementioned items. because it is so widely used, you often encounter a giant log of poo that has not been properly flushed down and is now clogging it. damnit ladies, poop at home or in a baggie under your desk like i do. hee hee, i hide the baggies around the office, in random desks. next is the middle stall. this does not have a working lock. i used to hold the door closed with my head and try and pee - worked quite well. then i figured out if you jammed a piece of toilet paper in there it'll stay closed. this stall also has the newest toilet. also, its the cleanest as the broken lock scares most urinators away. the extra paper usage is wasteful. so i generally try not to take this stall. but the cleanliness seduces me sometimes..... oh, this stall has the shortest flush handle. this means you have to use you r hand to flush it. eww. who does that in a public bathroom? not me. i use my foot. but its awkward to try and jam my shoed foot in the little space between the lid and the handle. but its clean, so kinda worth it. this brings us to the last stall. its the handi stall, so wide enough for even our giant assed pee-ers. you can put your bag down, stretch out or practice your ballet kicks. its what i do anyway. this stall is very well used and therefore not clean. also, this stall requires the most commitment as you can't just flush it quick. you have to hold the handle for a few seconds. i like to count to 5 or think of something funny i did that day. and since i hold the handle down with my foot, this requires somewhat of a balancing act. but thats ok - lots of room to flail around, it's meant for fatties and 'tards.
if you ever wonder why the ladies take so long in the bathroom, it's not because we take 10 minutes to pee, or that we gab with our lady friends or admire ourselves in the mirror, you know, think how great you are, compliment yourself, maybe tell yourself a funny little story - its because we evaluate every aspect of the pee devices and the surroundings. oh, and by everyone, i mean me. 'cause who the hell else is crazy enough to do that overtime they have to pee. just me. and thats alright with me. also, eff you.

dear facebook

for whatever reason, you have deemed my name, Kylee Sabados as offensive. this is actually my real name. I would like my facebook account to reflect my real name. Kyky Pajami is not a real name. in fact, in spanish, it means horse's anus. so i would appreciate you un-banning my real name of Kylee Sabados. seriously, its real. Its on my birth certificate and driver's license. and its what i generally answer to on a daily basis. thank you for your time.

facebook blows. (left that part out of the email. but i feel that this is an accurate statement as to how i feel about facebook and it blow-inducing ability)

can i get a w00t! w00t!

heh. quote from my boss. "i didn't mind it so much, but after sucking on it for about 10 minutes, it left this really gross taste in my mouth."