the starbuckateer

outfit: all black ensemble including, tapered, too tight pants;over-sized and unflattering bulky black jacket; black beret; frizzy, too long for your face shape hair; and shiny block heeled shoes.
sigh. where to start? guess at the top and work my way down. the beret. really a beret? really? is it 1950 or have we all been transported back to france. is some gay waiter coming by to snottily ask if we want wine and cheese and to please put pants on while in their stupid snooty restaurant? no? then ditch the beret fatty. seriously. its not cool. no one envies your beret, and no one will come up to you ask where you got it. i'm sure you found it by a dumpster anyway. 'cause even the homeless wouldn't wear that shit.
i get it. you're fat. you were once slim and attractive and then middle age hit and whacked you with the fat stick. hard. and in many places including your hoo-hoo. you think that if one piece of black clothing will hide your fat ass then why not dress in all black. but a bulky jacket will make your fatness look even fatter. and those tight tapered black pants will only make your fat ass look wider and fatter. and those shiny, chunky block shoes. your 8th grade wiccan coven is calling - they want their shoes back.
other reason why i hated this lady. we saw her 2xs at starbucks. the first time she was yakking on her cell phone, all self important like, using an earpiece and shouting into the handset. idiot. the 2nd day she was in starbucks furiously typing away - with her nails, gah, my pettest peavest ever - trying to look like she has a job, or friends, or that she matters in some way. also, both days she wore the same outfit. lending credence to my theory of the dumpster diving beret.

originally posted oct18/07