flesh gordon, here i come...

heh. so clearing space off of my computer, i came across a doc my buddy johnny and i were working on while bored at work one day. try not to steal it tho, i'll know you did, and it'll just lead to a bunch of ass kicking. not mine. yours. just wanted to make sure you understood that.

The Adventures of Thrust Feelgood and Ram Cox

Thrust Feelgood - main character
Ram Cox - trusty sidekick
Pamela Harder - fluff reporter who wants to be legit;love interest for Thrust
April Faster - beat reporter, career comp for pam
Randy Gay - police commisioner
Baron von Hardoff - Thrusts' arch enemy
Misti Bush - just a funny name so far
Virginia Swallowes - see above
Geneva Brownstar - yup
WHIP - network where pam and april work
Randy family - Most prominent and upstanding family in town
Stan - cameraman; lesser degree superhero with useless powers
hugh jackoff - misc.
Lance Member - misc.
Michael Testi - misc
Rock Harder - brother of pam

misc. lines:
Harder and Faster with The Whip
where does that music keep coming from?

episode ideas:
episode 1: von Hardoff releases the virus while Thrust and Ram struggle to find the cure, with sexy results
episode 2 : thrust feelgood and the search for the sacred meadow
episode 3: thrust feelgood and Ram Cox in "The pole smoking caper"

fine. its a porno script. you caught me. but it's damn funny. turns out i'm a whiz at thinking up dirty names. i know, i'm shocked SHOCKED that i have that ability. enjoy....

speaking of which....gotta go!

why is it so hard for a person not to destroy a public bathroom when they're done using it. do these people also spray pee all over their seats at home and leave it for someone else to clean? are they so proud of the loaf that just sprung from their nether regions that they don't flush so that others may also marvel at the size/color/texture/smell of the BM as well? at a previous job, a woman went so far as to actually poop on the seat of the toilet and the leave it there. for someone else to clean up. maybe she didn't notice it lying there when she flushed? or again, was she so proud at her poop that she wanted others to see and revel in all its poopness. i understand that poop and pee is kinda gross. unless you have that kind of fetish, which, well, more power to ya, but keep your excess fluids away from me. but if it's shooting forth from your body, then really, it's yours, so less gross than random poop you might find lying in alley or squelching out of a hobo or even lying in that flaming bag on your doorstep. so really, just clean it the fuck up. wrap your hand in 30 layers of toilet paper and just suck it up and do it. everybody poops, a book once informed me of this. so you're not weird or immoral or a whore just 'cause you poop or pee. no one's gonna think less of you just 'cause you do. but if i ever find out who in my office is missing the bowl completely and just letting it pool on the seat, i will kick you square in the baby-maker.

rant the day away...

why is that people wear so much goddamn perfume/cologne. maybe they accidentally broke the bottle on themselves. maybe they bathed in it. maybe it was a gift from their significant other and they feel obligated to wear it. oh, and the SO would have no nose 'cause generally those that really splash it on, splash on crap. seriously. at least if you're on the bus or somewhere more public, you can just move and get away from them. well, cough, glare, mutter obscenities under your breath and then move. but when you're at work and you have your desk all set up, you know, just the way you like it, there's no getting away from it. maybe you have a kickie calendar up, perhaps quizzing you about the latest this or that. maybe you have some nice figurines or whatever - you know, stuff that makes life at work more bearable. and then some jackass shows up, wreaking of perfume-y ass, and your day is ruined. hard to concentrate when you can taste it. at least if it was BO you might be able to respect the person. maybe they just ran a marathon. for charity. a charity for under-privilged dogs or canaries that lost a wing in Nam. there is just no excuse to show up smelly. actually, i take it back about the BO. no one wants to sit next to your smelly ass, whether it be perfume, BO or hair. ick. hair. don't get me started on that...

moving on....

hard to come back from a post like the previous. i guess that's why i've sort of avoided it up til now. also i didn't really have anything useful to rant about. ok, i totally did. but just wasn't in the mood to write it down.

saturday was my buddy's bday. good times were had by all. we laughed, we cried, bras were unhooked, cleav shots were taken, assless chaps were discussed. except they wouldn't really be assless - the dude in question is italian. click the link to see pics of the big night. link goes to bday boy's site. i'll have my own photos up when i figure out how to get them off the camera. damn technology.....

link

my favorite ed

yeah. so no post yesterday. a friend of mine from webct died. he was possibly the nicest person you could ever meet. he will be missed.

baldy! hey baldy!

so this guy i know is running for some kind of office in some pissant little community. whoopie. i couldn't give a crap about politics. i mean, i vote and have opinions, i just choose to not shove them in any one else's face. like religion. personally, i think its a load of hooey. some guy way back when thought it was a good way to milk people out of money. the first ron l. hubbard, if you will. altho ron was smart, in that he only goes after the super rich and crazy. hell, i should start my own religion. i need some extra cash. i have places to go and houses to buy. i think my religion will involve and all-knowing giraffe that uses its antlers to see if you are worthy or not of the ju-hew (this is the sacred land of the ancient Reeors (a proud and private people, very sacred - i shouldn't need to explain this), and if you are deemed worthy enough, you get live and frolic there after your Menty - or soul, for all us not-in-the-know folk - frees itself from the shackles that is this existence. the hallmark of my religion will be battle royale that ensues when one believer challenges another for the Beeuza (keep reading, it gets explained, what am i? your mommy?). they will throw down highlander style and the winner will gain the ultimate of all prizes, an inanimate carbon rod. for this is where all life came from. the bounty of the rod is great and all powerful. all bow before the carbon rod. parades shall be held in its honor. and on the 4th day of the 10th month, a saviour shall be born who will rein terrible fire and peril on the world. but she will be subdued with offerings of the monetary and beerliore variety. and the order and balance of this great planet will be restored. any takers? no? ah, ok then.

a 4 yr old stole my socks this weekend....

ever raged at your coworker 'cause he laughed at a dilbert cartoon? i have. mostly i just hate dilbert. really. it's not funny. it's like office space. NOT FUNNY. people always try and tell me that if you work in an office, you should find both dilbert and office space funny. i don't. and i don't care. i've given the movie 2 viewings, and still, i feel nothing. it's over-hyped and completely un-hilarious. dilbert, i've glanced at it on numerous occasions. and each time, much like after breaking down and reading the family circus, i tried to find a way to get that minute of my life back. but it was gone. wasted on crappy unfunny pieces of crap. more power to the authors tho. if i could write a giant piece of crap and live off it, you bet your sweet ass i'd do it. i tried to pitch a cartoon about a time traveling lobster and his sidekick, bleeorp the mermaid, but no one would touch it. commies.

the who man who wasn't pregnant but then was...and couldn't slow down or he'd blow up

the other day, at the neko show, we went for crepes and beer first. well, some had beer, others had pitcher of long island ice tea. anyway. during the course of the drinking, i started to think about the obese. if a dude gets fat does his wiener also get chunky? and how about the ladies? do big ladies also have giant outer lady parts? maybe we'll never know the answer. maybe we're not meant to know. maybe the lesson is just to not gain weight lest you have giant, chunky genitalia.
also, i found the best book title ever - A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting by Deborah Addington. just thought i'd share. it's available on amazon.com. you know, for all your fisting know-how needs.

frogs and snakes are gonna get John this time

so basically i've slacked off on my blog already. 3 days in and i've lost interest. well, not really, just kinda busy. tuesday i was getting my doors blown off at the neko case show and last night was VD. that's valentine's day and not venereal disease. altho i bet someone somewhere celebrated by getting syphilis. yay random hookers! poor lil' stevie. all alone with his syph. and on his birthday... but back to neko. she's fantastic. altho her show was not that rocking. it was more swaying. and i did sway my ass off. pretty uneventful, except for the fight KD tried to start with a couple of lesbos.

sadly, that was the best pic i took of neko at the show. i wasn't that far but my camera is kinda crappy. oh well, the people in front of me were funny. so i guess they deserve to be on my blog?

porkchop sandwiches

i love a good sandwich. what i love even more than a good sandwich, is a good sandwich and a bowl of good soup. when good soup and good sandwiches combine forces, it kicks the level of good up to fantastic. this is a rare occurrence. generally, you can get a good sandwich or good soup. but you can't have both. and i'm starting to think i'll never have that level of fantastical-ism ever again. today, for instance, i had a good sandwich from Bambo Cafe. i won't go into further detail as i don't wanna make gwili mad - he has the monopoly on lunch review blogs, and i hear he'll pee all over you if you encroach on his bid-ness or get all up in his grill. back to my original point. sandwich good, soup terrible. really bad. watery and it kinda smelled like alley. like wet dog and alley and hobo-ass mixed together. ok, not really, but it was bad soup. i think i have made my point.

whoowhoo

i always made fun of people who had blogs. thought to myself 'what's so damn interesting about them that they need to share it with the internet? stupid jerks, full of themselves, selfish bastards..." and now i have one. so listen up jerks. or i guess, read up, jerks. i agonized over a theme for my blog too. but i think i was putting too much pressure on myself. i think i'll just post whatever the hell i want. it is my blog, and i answer to no one. a lone wolf... man, remember those sweatshirts that had wildlife on it that old ladies and the fashionally retarded wear? sometimes they were pink? mostly they were just ugly? yeah. my blog'll be kinda like that.