baldy! hey baldy!

so this guy i know is running for some kind of office in some pissant little community. whoopie. i couldn't give a crap about politics. i mean, i vote and have opinions, i just choose to not shove them in any one else's face. like religion. personally, i think its a load of hooey. some guy way back when thought it was a good way to milk people out of money. the first ron l. hubbard, if you will. altho ron was smart, in that he only goes after the super rich and crazy. hell, i should start my own religion. i need some extra cash. i have places to go and houses to buy. i think my religion will involve and all-knowing giraffe that uses its antlers to see if you are worthy or not of the ju-hew (this is the sacred land of the ancient Reeors (a proud and private people, very sacred - i shouldn't need to explain this), and if you are deemed worthy enough, you get live and frolic there after your Menty - or soul, for all us not-in-the-know folk - frees itself from the shackles that is this existence. the hallmark of my religion will be battle royale that ensues when one believer challenges another for the Beeuza (keep reading, it gets explained, what am i? your mommy?). they will throw down highlander style and the winner will gain the ultimate of all prizes, an inanimate carbon rod. for this is where all life came from. the bounty of the rod is great and all powerful. all bow before the carbon rod. parades shall be held in its honor. and on the 4th day of the 10th month, a saviour shall be born who will rein terrible fire and peril on the world. but she will be subdued with offerings of the monetary and beerliore variety. and the order and balance of this great planet will be restored. any takers? no? ah, ok then.