barfing makes you pretty, right?

good lord. i guess karma just kicked me in the ass. or maybe the universe thinks it funny to give a really wicked kickass type breakfast and then a horrible horrible barf-up of a lunch. i'm mostly a good person. i try to be nice (ish). i go to work, participate in society, help tiny old people cross the street, rescue puppies or whatever. i don't see why i had to be subjected to this sort of atrocity. here's my story. lunchtime rolled and i was getting hungry. i ichatted up a couple of coworker buddies and we decided to go to a new mexican place that just opened up on richards and pender - amigas, i believe its called. so we trek over there. past the homeless begging for change, past the idiot SUV drivers trying to run our asses over. we finally get there - hungry and cold and wet (cause it's vancouver and winter and therefore the city is just a giant puddle.) the place looks ok from the outside, non-descript, but also kind of welcoming. we go inside, and its warm. but it doesn't smell all that food-y, you know, like a restaurant should. that should have been my tipoff. restaurants that don't smell like food are obviously just drug fronts, and don't really make any kind of usable food item. buy your drugs there, sure, but don't order any food. anyway, enough digression, we all order our food - there are 5 of us, but we decide it prolly won't take too long as the place looks slightly fast foody, and fast food is generally very aptly named. 45 minutes later we finally all get our food. 2 had already deserted us - took their food and ran. but i don't blame then, i would have done the same.
my bag seems heavy, and i'm somewhat excited about what is to come. will it be the magical mexican sandwich that i have been promised? a combination of beans and wonderment? or a kick in the pants? after waiting 45 min. i'm really just hoping for something halfway decent. we get back to the lunchroom and i open the bag. no food smell. i look more closely at the sandwich - it looks like it might be good - it seems to have all the goodness-inducing ingredients: roasted veggies, guac, beans, cheese and pineapple (strange, but i'm willing to give it a go). i take a bite. and wait for the flavor. i swallow. still waiting. i take another bite. still nothing. puzzled, i deconstruct the sandwich and taste each of the layers. the beans are the first to be tasted. it's like i just licked my finger, and my finger had some air on it. next i try the roasted veggies, hard to go wrong with a roasted green pepper, right? wrong, its tastes kinda bad. but i guess when you combine it with other things that don't taste like anything, the bad taste gets cancelled out. i won't go into every layer, but let's just say eating a big bag of air would have tasted better and have been cheaper. i ate the sandwich, i won't lie to you. i was hungry, and i'm cheap, i hate spending money on things only to throw them away. the last 2 bites of the sandwich had some flavor - tasted like fried bread. and it was kinda greasy by this point too. i guess gravity grabbed all the grease from the top of the sandwich and pulled it all to the bottom - you know, what gravity normally does.
after i was done eating, i felt dirty, like my stomach had been violated. i just sat there, trying to understand why. i slowly got up from the table, gathered my garbage and threw it away, and with it, my sandwich-y innocence. its been an hour now, and my insides still don't feel right. i feel greasy and let down, like i've just eaten a fried bag of puppies. i'm still toying with the idea of barfing it up and taking a mulligan on lunch altogether. but my penny-pinching ways won't let me. maybe i'm punishing myself for something. i guess i should just forget it and move on. but it's hard, ya know? i wanted to throw a bone to a new business, take a chance on the unknown. and i got effed. that mexican place effed me so hard, effed me like i've never been effed before. and let that be a lesson to you kids, try something new and you'll get effed.

my buddy whitecake, had this to say about lunch:
"I like to eat, I also like the women's. Throughout my life I have
struggled with these two passions because, understandably, the
women's don't like the fat guys. However, thanks to today's lunch at
Amigas, my dilemma has been resolved. I now hate eating, and may or
may not be slightly impotent."