i whore for jesus

so lately i've been thinking about starting my own line of cereals. i think there is a huge market out there for religious themed cereals. mine would be Jesus O's, or Fruity Frosted Apostle O's or Chocolate covered Stigmatas. maybe the box would say: 'Now with marshmallow Apostles!' or "Become one with God - eat His Cereal!' or 'The cereal God wants you to eat'. oh, and with the Jesus O's, when you stirred the bowl, the milk would turn red. and maybe little thorns would float to the surface and the prize inside would be a stake and some nails, or a Jew-doll to take your revenge out on. He'd have his little blue shawl on, the little beanie on his head and those crazy sideburn ringlets. oooh, or maybe you get a little jezebel doll. and since i'm lazy, i'll just use the old britney dolls - you know, the ones when she still had hair and didn't chase after people and threaten them with an umbrella. cause that is one cheap whore. alright, so maybe all of this was just an elaborate ruse to mention how much i hate britney and how much of a whore she is. or maybe i just want documented proof of my cereal before some jackass actually gets off the pot and makes it. then i can sue and roll around in money. and roll i would. even if i only got like 1k. i get the bank to change it into singles, throw it on my bed and just go nuts. oh yeah. and yes - singles. i'd get american money. jerks. cause loonies seem like they'd be painful and also you'd get one of those crazy skin indents like when you fall asleep on a hammock and your face is all patterned and plaid'd. and everyone looks at you and laughs and you think its just cause people always laugh at you and you're making a mental note of which person to add to your 'to be killed' list and which people you might keep around for a while, you know, in case one of them is like a doctor or something and you need a kidney transplant cause a horse kicked you in the spleen and stuff got ruptured. metallica rulz.